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Making the Decision to Divorce--Why Planning and Preparation are Essential to Your Financial Future

Cathi Adams © All Rights Reserved

Do you believe in "Happily ever after" or "Until Death Do Us Part?"

From the time we are little girls, women are taught to believe in the fairy tale union of a man and a woman who love each other. Many women never let go of the fantasy, and when they find the man they want to marry, the end caption on their lives seems like it will be, "And they lived happily ever after." Unfortunately, statistics show that at least 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Some women are left without important job skills and barely enough money to support themselves, much less several children.

I find it interesting that women plan for earthquakes and floods, fire and medical emergencies, spending thousands of dollars to insure themselves against catastrophic events that have low odds of ever occurring, yet they fail to plan for the highly possible event of divorce. Of course, no woman wants to think that her marriage will be the one out of two that ends in divorce, but when the signs begin to present themselves, planning for divorce is as important as trying to save the marriage. Your future depends on it. Let me ask you...

Do you know the answers to these questions?

1. How much does your husband make?
2. What does his retirement plan offer?
3. How much does he have in savings?
4. What are his investments?
5. Where are his investments?
6. What does the family owe on mortgage, business debt and credit cards?

These are just some of the questions you need to find answers to. Most importantly, you need to know these answers BEFORE you announce your decision to divorce.

This information is essential to getting what you deserve in the settlement, so don’t leave home without it.

So when it comes down to making the final decision to divorce, quell any urge to scream "This marriage is over!" pack your bags and slam the door on your way out. The final decision to leave takes time, and to announce your decision also takes time and preparation. With the right planning and preparation, you can save money to pay the lawyer, fund your living expenses, and give yourself a positive financial future.

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com  

The Beauty of Single Parenting (Every Cloud DOES have a Silver Lining)

Cathi Adams © All Rights Reserved 

I miss being married. I miss the things we used to do. I wish our differences didn't bring us to divorce... BUT they did so.... I have to do my best to deal with the cards I have been dealt. I do this by focusing on the good in my life now, cherishing the time I spend with my son, living my life to the fullest, and making my own rules.

My son was 3 when I got divorced so he wasn't at the age to establish any homework patterns yet. But he went to a school that gave homework at an early age so by the time he was 6 we had homework to do every night. I think that is where the term "nightmare" was born.

It was horrible. I would get off work at 5:00 and get home at 6:00 pm. Then I would make dinner and by 7:00 we sat down to start homework.

Unfortunately, by then he was exhausted from a long day at school and in no mood to sit and do work. That's when the fighting would start. I just didn't know what to do. The last thing I wanted to do when I got home from a long day at work was to fight with my son. The last thing he wanted to do after a long day at school was homework. Neither of us was in the mood for anything but rest which, unfortunately for us, was not an option.

I read everything I could and tried everything I read. Nothing worked for me. Getting his homework done was a horrible event. At the other end of the spectrum, there seemed to be paradise at my ex's home. He is remarried with a "stay-at-home" wife (a wonderful woman) who is there every day when the children arrive home from school. She lets them have a quick snack and then it's homework time. They are done with all their work by the time their father gets home and life is good for them. At least that is what his wife said when she called me to ask why my son does homework at my house at 7:00 pm. "They" (she is speaking for herself and my ex) feel he should be doing his homework at 4:00 at my home like he does at "her" home. Hey, I wish that too... but in reality it is impossible for me in my current setup.

I am not sure they understand that. While I do have someone at home who stays with my son until I arrive home from work, she is not an authoritative figure that demands control of my son. My son needs someone who "demands". She is just not that type but she keeps him safe until I arrive home from work so, for me, it "works".

Even if the caregiver could do homework with my son, I am not sure I would be happy with that. I want to be here with my son when he does his school work. I want to know what he is good at or what he is struggling in. I want to help him in his studies if he needs it. To me, that is the essence of being a mother. Helping with school work... I know there is so much more but at this age this is a big area - and I want to be involved. Is that so wrong?

So what ended up happening and eventually solved our problem was this: It got so late at night and his homework wasn't finished so I ended up having him go to sleep, then I would wake him in the morning to finish, and guess what happened? He would wake up and do his homework without any fighting! He was rested and able to focus and complete the tasks accurately and quickly.

It took me a while to realize I had options but once I did I thought - Who says a child HAS to do his homework at night? It's called "homework" not "nightwork" True he is home at night BUT he is also home in the morning, so if that works better why shouldn't I give it a try?

So a new rule was born. If he had a test we would review the material at night and again in the morning but written work was done in the morning. If he needed to get up half an hour early to get it done - he did. All of a sudden the fighting seemed to stop. Peace once again filled my home. Life is good now.

The point here is that when you are alone YOU can make the rules in your home and they don't have to be what the "rest of the world" is doing. They are doing what works for them and you have to do what works for you.

It bothers me that my routine is so different from the routine at his dad's house but in my search for an answer I have sought the advice of psychologists and they say it is perfectly OK to have different routines in each home as long as you are consistent in each of your routines.

This current arrangement is so far from the way I thought I would be raising my son but as long as I am not hurting him and it works I will continue to do what's best for "us". It's hard to think outside the box but sometimes life commands different solutions and you have to adapt to them and go with the flow.

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com  

Do you cringe when you hear the word divorce? “Divorce”  conjures up thoughts of sorrow and unhappiness. When you say you  are divorced the response is, “Oh, I’m sorry”. You hear  condolences for the “death” of your marriage. Next question is,  “Are you dating?” Then if you say no they always ask, “Why not?”. 

Many people think you can’t possibly be happy if you are alone.  Loneliness is a choice. I am often alone but I am rarely lonely.  Many of my clients say that they felt much lonelier when they  were in a bad marriage then when they divorced. You can choose  to make lemonade out of lemons. 

Overcome your post-divorce loneliness and handle insensitive  comments. Follow these simple tips: 

1. Don't tell people you are divorced (with a sorrowful look in  your eyes). Smile confidently and say, " I am Happily Divorced!" 

2. Feel strong, independent and happy! Soon your brain will  catch on and you will feel it and believe it. 

3. Remember all the things you used to love to do?Start doing  them again! Pull out that old needlepoint. Start painting again.  Take up photography. Volunteer for a cause you are passionate  about. Read that murder mystery you have been saving. 

4. Begin a hobby you have always wanted to do. 

5. Pamper yourself. Take hours getting ready to go out (Enjoy  the fact that there is no one there telling you to hurry up and  finish) 

6. Make an appointment at 4:00 in the afternoon consider  yourself lucky you don’t have to “rush” home to make dinner. Be  happy your time is your own now to do as you wish! 

7. Spend REAL time with your children. Sit on the floor with  them. Play a board game. Listen to their laughter. Let their  smile fill you. Embrace the fact that you have “time to smell  the roses”. Enjoy these small wonders. 

8. Put your favorite singer on the stereo and dance around the  house singing (close the blinds first) 

A positive mental attitude will do wonders to overcome hurdles  you will face in your new life. Remember divorce is not the end  of THE world – just the end of THAT world. Hold your head high  and keep moving forward in your new life being “Happily  Divorced”. 

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com  

Divorced And Penniless - Why It Can Happen To You

Cathi Adams ©All Rights Reserved

What you do not know can actually harm you badly. The truth is that even as you continue to regularly read about those hefty divorce settlements celebrities are getting all the time, some divorce lawyers are fighting back - and succeeding. The result is that you could end up not only nursing the emotional wounds of a divorce but also having to cope with a situation where you are virtually penniless.

It is happening all the time these days and you can be sure that the double burden of juggling the financials and your bruised emotions is definitely something you do not want to go through. There is really only one thing you can do, and that is prepare for divorce now rather than later. Just like a nation fully prepares and arms itself to the teeth for war in peacetime, every woman should prepare and arm themselves fully for divorce while still in a happy marriage.

Most nations who prepare well for war often find that they do not have to fight and in the same way a smart woman who prepares for any eventuality of divorce will often find that because of her preparations, divorce can be avoided.

Many good-natured wives currently happily married do not even want to think of the prospect of a divorce. These women are sitting ducks for a situation where they could suddenly find themselves out in the cold, penniless and divorced. That equally good-natured loving husband of many years is no different from other loving husbands who have suddenly and casually made the totally unexpected remark one evening after supper, "I want a divorce." Can you imagine starting to make your plans at that time? When the shock alone can take you several days to recover from? You will hardly be in a position to think clearly enough to hire the right attorney to fight for a decent settlement. This is exactly the sort of scenario that can land you into big financial trouble.

All through the history of mankind, women have been known for their ability to prepare for events. The wise modern woman will also prepare and protect herself for any situation that will arise in the event of her marriage taking an unexpected turn.

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com  

Why You Must Plan Your Financial Future, No Matter How Happily Married You Are Right Now

Cathi Adams © All Rights Reserved

Life is filled with surprises, and some of these surprises are usually nasty ones. This is the reason why it makes plenty of sense to prepare for any eventualities, especially of the nasty kind. One of the increasingly common and extremely nasty eventualities that we have to live with these days is divorce.

No matter how happily married you may be currently; there is absolutely no guarantee that the situation will remain the same forever. And what is more, there is really no harm in planning and preparing yourself for any eventuality. Nobody who ever planned ahead ever regretted it while everybody who did not, which is the majority of us, have always ended up with plenty of bitter regrets.

You just need to talk to women who have been through a divorce to realize the pain of being taken completely by surprise. Sadly more and more women are being left in shock and dazed as their ex-husband’s lawyers proceed to ensure that they are left virtually penniless and desperate.

The way to avoid all this is to plan your financial future well in advance, in anticipation of any eventuality. It starts with your taking control of marital finances and ensuring that you always have cash in hand.

And the fascinating thing is that most women do not realize is that this can all be done without upsetting their marriages or raising suspicion in their husbands that would cause strain in their relationship. It is really about paying more attention to a few important details in your happy marriage that could make all the difference incase anything goes wrong later.

If nothing ends up going wrong, then you will have lost nothing but you will be the sort of prudent woman who prepares for anything. After all, you cannot argue with the figures. The figures indicate that in 2004 alone, there were a staggering 1.25 million divorces in the United States alone.

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce.

Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com

Never Use Your Emotions To Time Your Divorce

Cathi Adams ©All Rights Reserved

Emotions feature prominently in any marriage. So how do you leave them out?

While it is absolutely true that emotions are very difficult to leave out of a marriage, it is also true that the biggest mistake you can make today as a married woman, is to make a hasty decision about divorce, that is totally based on your emotions.

That is exactly how some unfortunate women have ended up in the streets, desperate and penniless while their ex-husbands have been left to enjoy the family assets that they worked so hard together in acquiring. It really cannot get more painful than that.

Using emotions to make decisions is the reason why many men have gotten the better of women for years. In the increasingly ruthless world of divorce courts and settlements you should make every effort to control your emotions as much as possible. While few women would like to be like the cold and calculating lawyers and husbands that are fleecing women in divorce courts these days, they really have no option but to fight off, as much as they possibly can, the emotions and feelings of hurt that are at the core of a marriage headed for the divorce courts.

But controlling your emotions is not enough. To be happily and successfully divorced, a woman also needs information. In fact very specific information on what to do to ensure that no divorce-seeking husband takes advantage of them. After all nobody wants to be left with nothing to show, after spending the best years of their lives in a marriage that suddenly starts to go wrong one day.

In the same way smart women should not allow their emotions to keep them from acquiring information to help them prepare for the eventuality of a divorce even where they are currently happily married. Getting valuable divorce information does not mean that you are anticipating divorce. It just means that you are preparing yourself for any eventuality. It is just like the way folks take out life insurance on their spouses. It doesn’t mean that they want to murder them (at least in most instances) It is just a smart thing to do in this unpredictable life, in preparing for eventualities that could cause serious problems to your current financial status.


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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce.

Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com

Is Fear Keeping You In An Abusive Marriage? How You Can Escape

Cathi Adams © 2005 All Rights Reserved

I was recently taking in a horror movie with my son when he suddenly made an amazing remark, “It’s not so scary anymore, because we’ve seen the killer.” How true that statement is in every aspect of life. True horror and real fear is really the fear of the unknown. The less we know about the thing we fear, whatever it is, the scarier it is. This seems to be the main secret that those folks who make horror movies use so effectively.

Which is exactly the situation facing so many unfortunate women today. There are so many married women facing this fear that the odds are high that you who is reading this article, could be one of them. You may be one of those unfortunate women stuck in an abusive marriage mainly because of fear. Understandably you find it difficult to get out, because while you are terrified about the abuse and violence, you are actually more terrified of the “unknown” situation of being out of that marriage and having to go through divorce proceedings. Your fear of this unfamiliar situation far outweighs your fear of abuse. And sadly, for this reason you continue to stay despite the abuse and violence.

Actually by staying in a violent and abusive marriage, you are endangering your very life, as chances are that one of these days, it could easily end up in tragic consequences for you.

Making the effort to get some knowledge on divorce and what you can do to ensure that you do not leave your abusive marriage with scars that extend to your financial situation could be the beginning of real freedom for you.

You do not have to risk your life in an abusive marriage anymore if you can gain enough knowledge about how to secure the next stage of your life. This is the knowledge that will free you from the fear of the unknown that is keeping you in a marriage that you really should have gotten out of a long time ago.

You will quickly learn that there is really nothing to be so frightened about and that when you learn a few important facts you suddenly find yourself with many more realistic options and possibilities. Knowledge is indeed awesome power.

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce.
Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com

Divorced And Cheated Out Of The Family Finances - How Smart Divorce Lawyers Are Ruining Women

Cathi Adams © All Rights Reserved

Lawyers quite often boast of how there is plenty of money to be made from divorce cases. You can be sure that this is no idle lawyer talk, especially when you consider the fact that more and more lawyers are being drawn into this area of legal practice.

But even more interesting and instructive is where all the big divorce money for the lawyers is coming from?

Yep, you guessed right, its’ from our pockets, yours and mine. Basically any cash paid to a lawyer, even by your ex-husband depletes the family finances and assets that may have to be sold to settle legal fees. Money that should have otherwise gone to divorced women to help them rebuild their lives with some decent finances after the devastation that usually comes with divorce. Make no mistake about it; lawyers love nasty divorce settlement cases. The nastier they are, the better for them. Lawyers are usually the only true winners in any divorce action.

When they are not helping your ex-husband to hide or understate assets, they will be busy ensuring that by the time the divorce is finally settled, most of the family assets and cash will have gone to paying for their services, sometimes leaving little or nothing for you and your children to rebuild your lives with.

Yet it does not need to be like that. You definitely deserve better. Fortunately, many women are fighting back these days and with lots of success too. It is amazing how much of a difference, taking a few simple precautions can make. Generally these important steps to secure your future have to be taken long before there is any talk of a divorce. Just the way folks take out insurance for a rainy day. You’re still happy if you never need to claim on your insurance, but it helps you sleep better at night and gives you peace of mind because you know that if the rainy day, or disaster comes, you are fully prepared.

It really is a jungle out there and many women have realized that it is not a good idea to place your whole financial future in the hands of someone else other than yourself.

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce.
Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com

Don't Be Ashamed To Have An "Exit" Plan Long Before You Say "I Do"

Cathi Adams ©All Rights Reserved

Many nasty things have frequently been said about pre-nuptial settlement contracts. These pre-marital agreements usually cover couples in the event of a divorce, making it unnecessary to go to court and thus spend big on legal fees.

In most marriages, a woman is the most vulnerable partner in the event of a divorce. She will usually be left with the children and plenty of other financial obligations, let alone the emotional baggage. Yet most women are not comfortable with pre-nuptial agreements, usually initiated by the man in their lives. They will usually read all sorts of things into them and on some occasions it has even changed their feelings for them, forever. And yet a good pre-nuptial contract can be the best thing to happen to any woman.

Despite the sense they make, the few women who have dared sign a pre-nuptial arrangements initiated by their husbands have still ended up as the villains in many folk’s minds and have been called many names.

Although there are clearly many advantages of signing a pre-nuptial contract before marriage, most people believe that they encourage divorce before a marriage has a chance of working out.

There is actually little or no evidence pointing in this direction. If anything pre-nuptial contracts or “exit” plans can in fact strengthen marriages and help reduce the chances of a divorce. As terrible and frightening it is to consider, the facts are that many men will not resist the temptation to take advantage of a woman, given half a chance. A pre-nuptial contract reduces the chances of this happening by protecting the woman, who wins respect from the husband, even it is given grudgingly. While I do not want to make a direct comparison between marriage and the best way a country prevents war by ensuring that they are ready for it and that their possible opponents know it, there are actually many similarities between the two here.

But what is more, written pre-nuptial agreements help to guarantee that no smart lawyer and ruthless husband will take advantage of a divorced woman in the event of divorce. More so if the woman is brave enough to do the smart thing and negotiate the terms of the pre-nup before signing so as to fully ensure that she is financially covered in the event of divorce.

There is really nothing to be ashamed of in making an elaborate exit plan long before you walk the aisle. If anything any married woman who does not have an exit plan in place is a sitting duck for divorce lawyers and the usual consequences on their finances and future in the event of a divorce. It really doesn’t matter what everybody else thinks or says, it is you who will be left holding the pieces. .

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com  

Your Children Deserve Protection From The Financial Ruin That Can Come With Divorce

Cathi Adams ©All Rights Reserved

In any divorce case, nobody suffers more than the children. The emotional distress that comes to them with the separation of the two people in the world closest to them can be quite devastating to their young lives.

While this is mostly unavoidable, many children are also emerging out of divorce settlements with other serious problems that can otherwise be easily avoided. Many are suddenly finding that their future is on very shaky ground, thanks mainly to the financial ruin that some divorce settlements leave their mothers in. It is the woman who usually gains custody of the children and the huge costs that go with it. Kids are wonderful but they are also wonderfully expensive, healthcare, day care and maintenance costs for your kids amongst many other expenses are forever on the rise. It is therefore very important that every woman takes a serious look at the likelihood of divorce and what it can do to her children’s lives and their future.

Even sadder is the fact that while most women can always re-marry and rebuild their lives somehow, the damage brought about by financial ruin can bring about consequences in children that may be impossible to correct later.

For example lack of a good education, failure to go to college and other situations caused by their mother’s financial ruin will have an impact on children for the rest of their lives.

This is why it is so important to ensure that you limit such a possibility as much as possible. A nasty divorce case can drain family finances, which end up paying the lawyers. In many other cases lawyers and ruthless husbands have taken advantage of their ex-wives and have used various technicalities to make sure that their settlement is far from being adequate.

Knowledge is power and acquiring it to protect yourself and your children can make all the difference in the likelihood that you end up divorcing your husband. It is very important that your children are fully protected from the terrible consequences that divorce can bring to their young innocent lives.It really does not matter how unlikely divorce seems to be at the moment.

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Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com