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The Healthy Marriage Initiative is a government funded program which was begun in 2005, providing funding of 150 million dollars each year for the promotion of healthy marriages and fatherhood. 

The program was prompted by Congressional findings in 1996 that stated marriage is the foundation of a successful society.  It further found that marriage is an essential institution of a successful society which promotes the interests of children. The act encourages States to strengthen marriages.

The Mission Statement of the Healthy Marriage Initiative says that the program’s aim is to help couples who have chosen marriage to gain greater access to marriage education services on a voluntary basis where they can acquire the skills and knowledge necessary to form and sustain a healthy marriage.  Both spouses must have a deep respect for each other

They define a healthy marriage as a mutually satisfying relationship that is beneficial to the husband and wife and also children if any are present.  It’s further defined as a relationship that is committed to ongoing growth utilizing the skills of effective communication and conflict management.

Funds from the program may be used for competitive research and demonstration projects to test promising approaches to encourage healthy marriages.  It should also promote involved, committed and responsible fatherhood by public and private entities.

There would also be funds to provide technical assistance to the States to be used for marriage education, marriage skills training, public advertising and high school education on the value of marriage and mentoring programs.

Some of the goals of the initiative include an effort to increase the percentage of children who are raised by two parents in a healthy marriage.  Also to increase public awareness of the value of a healthy marriage using the skills and knowledge that can help couples form and sustain a healthy marriage.

Research has found that a healthy marriage encourages children and youth who are more likely to attend college and succeed academically.  They would also be healthier physically and emotionally and exhibit fewer behavioral problems in school.  Children from a healthy marriage should be less likely to be raised in poverty.

The findings state that communities also benefit from a healthy marriage by having healthier and better educated citizens.  The rates of domestic violence and general crime would drop as would the rates of teen age pregnancy and juvenile delinquency.  Community benefits further include higher rates of home ownership, higher property values and a decreased need for social services. President Bush stated that the Healthy Marriage Initiative should ensure that every child can grow up in a safe and loving home.

Having or creating a marriage bible can go a long way toward having and maintaining a strong relationship.  Many couples find that having tangible guidelines to provide direction in their married life keeps them on the path to happiness.  This works not only to help in marriage but in everyday life as well.

Some have drawn up the Ten Commandments of Marriage and used various sources for their list.  It could just as easily be called the Ten Commitments of Marriage.  The Bible is a valuable resource along with other good books and on line sources.

Entering into a marriage with an open and hopeful heart is a good beginning.  Be aware of any problems that may cause trouble at the onset.  For instance, studies show that marriage has a 24% less chance of divorce if you have children after rather than before getting married.  Waiting to have children later in the marriage gives you time to become accustomed to each other and prepare to better provide for children.

It’s also known that you have a 25% less chance of divorce if you’re over 25 when you enter into marriage and a 30% less chance of not succeeding if your income is over $50,000 a year.  The reasons for these are obvious. 

As you age, you should mature and think not as a child but as an adult.  Money problems and not being able to meet financial obligations is one of the main reasons for divorce.  Being aware of these potential problems enables you to prepare a course of action to avoid them.

The Christian Bible states in Genesis that “The Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone.  I will make him a help meet.”  It continued to teach, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.”

A suggestion that seems to find its way into most commitments for a happy marriage is found in Ephesians 4:26 that states, “If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge.  Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry.  Get over it quickly.”  Marriages that observe this rule are said to be long lived.

• Add to your list of commitments that there is to be no one other than your spouse and you will be faithful only to him or her. 

• Do not criticize your spouse.  If there is something that annoys you, talk it over and resolve the problem.

• Set aside time to be together.  Make every day special.  If your job or other obligations don’t allow this then you’re too busy.

• Love is not jealous.  Be happy for your spouse in every way and share the happiness in their accomplishments.  Boast tactfully of your husband or wife.

• Love your in-laws.

Some of these are easier to commit to than others but all are important.  Tailor your list to suit your particular marriage, post it in a conspicuous place and review it often.

If a list were to be made of the problems possible in a marriage or relationship it would probably fill a small book.  Then, just when you think the list is complete someone else comes up with a different one. 

Relationship problems could be as numerous as there are people in the world.  We’re all unique and what one person would view as a problem, someone else might find helpful.  It would be difficult if not impossible to generally pinpoint a root problem for everyone unless each person was examined individually.

Since you’re unique, the problems you may be experiencing in your relationship may indeed have a root.  To discover that root problem may be difficult but with due diligence and commitment it can be found.  It would begin with your discovering and examining yourself and your partner. 

Self discovery comes from communicating with your partner with sincere conversations about the issues at hand.  Unless you can narrow down the troubling issue, you must proceed generally and the process will lead to more clarity.  Most of the usual problems should be discussed at length before marriage between you, your intended spouse and a qualified counselor or at least an unbiased person.

Most marriage counselors will agree that most issues that cause conflict stem from three things:  money, sex and children.  If a relationship can reach an agreeable balance in these three issues then you’ve gone a long way toward a successful marriage. 

All three of these can rip a relationship apart if agreement cannot be reached.  Assuming you’ve resolved the three most common problems in a relationship, let’s move on to other possible causes to see if you recognize a root problem.

Lack of trust can be a major contention especially in a young marriage.  Trust must be earned in all things from use of money to infidelity.  Sit down and have a talk focusing only on trust.  Share your feelings.  If one of you feels the other is not being totally honest then the trust issue is not resolved. 

Being trustworthy requires a commitment on both parties to always be fair, truthful, consistent and do what you say you will do.  It also means being sensitive, respectful and acting as a good listener. 

Good relationships demand your undivided attention, especially when having a problem solving meeting.  Things will go wrong so don’t overreact.  Being sensitive means not bringing up old hurts.  This opens up old wounds that should have been healed.

Compatibility is often at the root of many relationships.  What attracted you to your spouse in the first place?  Perhaps you shared a common interest in music, reading or sports. 

But to build a relationship, it must go deeper than that.  You must have common goals with similar attitudes and values.  Be realistic and realize that the two of you are different.  Seek together the root of your problem and it will be found and solved.

The most common problem in marriage could well be entering into a relationship thinking there will be no problems.  This is highly unrealistic but couples recite wedding vows daily wearing the proverbial rose-colored glasses. 

This is not to say you should enter into marriage expecting problems but be aware that they will occur and if you’re not prepared to handle them then that could be another problem.

There is a difference between the most common problems in marriage and the most serious or threatening.  Of course, any problem could be threatening if not resolved in a timely manner. 

Marriage counselors have said that one of the most common issues they have to resolve for couples is their ability to manage conflict.  The ability to manage conflict can be more damaging than the conflict itself.

The basic reasons husbands and wives fail to solve their problems themselves is lack of communication.  Instead of talking the problem out and brainstorming for a solution they become defensive and refuse to take responsibility for any wrongdoing.  This leads to turning their back on the issue and walking away refusing to negotiate further.

When communication is tried, too often it turns into a word fight filled with name calling and criticism.  No one likes to be called bad names and no one likes to be criticized so the communication attempt is interrupted and probably won’t be resumed until the disrespect is softened.  Good communication must include respect for the other’s opinion.

Read almost any book on marriage problems and they will list the most common as sex, money and children.  Those are the broad headings and they have many sub-headings with one problem leading to another. 

If a spouse is unable to cope with any of these three problems it can lead to boredom and frustration.  The old marriage myth warns of the seven year itch.  Couples now have begun scratching early and some even suffer from the seven month itch. 

The domino effect continues as spouses seek understanding and comfort in the arms of another leading to unfaithfulness which is one of the most common infamous problems.
It’s common because it often goes so long without being detected and the spouse is the last to know.

Not having enough money to pay the bills can destroy a spouse’s respect for the breadwinner.  She or he will likely start hoarding money in a secret account for fear of not having enough.  If this is detected, it creates a wall of distrust.  Money matters should be outlined in the beginning while courting to avoid unexpected financial surprises.

Children are usually a blessing in a marriage but can create problems if the husband or wife is not ready to accept responsibility for rearing children.  Resentment arises for both the spouse and the child.

The number one common marriage problem is almost impossible to pinpoint.  What’s common with one marriage is not even felt in another.  Perhaps the most common is expecting there will be no problems.

Whether you’ve been married one week, one year or ten years all marriages have their ups and downs, their good times and bad.  But, gradually you notice your marriage deteriorating day by day.  The little things your spouse does that you used to think were cute now annoy you to the point of screaming and wanting out. 

At least you’re noticing the problems.  In some marriages, problems fester and grow like a cancer without noticing.  When they’re finally realized and admitted, it’s too late and not even open heart surgery will help. 

So, how do you heal a broken heart?  Do you talk to your spouse, your friends or do you seek the help of a professional?  How do you know if you need marriage counseling?  It may be difficult for you to share your innermost feelings with a stranger.  Surely, no one can feel or understand what you’re feeling.

Professional marriage counselors have heard it all and are trained to listen, understand and suggest treatment to mend that broken heart that was once filled with love.  If you’re experiencing hopelessness and helplessness and you feel there is no way to continue in your marriage, a counselor may be the answer.

If you’re still reluctant to seek professional help you need to create a climate of self understanding within yourself.  Be certain in your own mind and heart that the fear and problems you feel are real and not just a point in your life where you’re experiencing complicated change.

Search your heart for the answer to this question:  Have you considered divorce?  If the answer is yes, then you may need more help than you’re able to give yourself.  But, don’t stop there.  There are other questions to consider regarding your marriage behavior.

Do you trust your partner?  Could there be another person involved?  If this is the case then counseling can certainly help.  Adulterous marriages can leave the other feeling unwanted and unworthy of continuing the marriage.  Counselors can sort through this problem and even help you forgive the wrong done to you.

Do you criticize each other at home and in public?  This can be a struggle for control caused by a lack of self esteem.  You want to show others you’re good enough for your spouse because he or she is imperfect.

Other questions to be considered can be about sharing responsibilities with household chores and children.  Is money a problem?  If you feel that whatever you earn is yours and not ours then that could lead to a misunderstanding about the future of your marriage and whether or not you view it as a long term relationship.

There are many other questions to be asked and answered before you make a decision to seek counseling.  Ask these questions with your partner and if problems cannot be resolved then it may be time to see a counselor.  Before a marriage ends both should open their hearts and minds and ask for help.
 

Marriage is a two-edged sword when it comes to depression.  Marriage can cause depression problems and depression can cause marriage problems.  If you want to remain in a stable and happy relationship then any problems with depression should be resolved as quickly as possible.

If you’re married and depressed, you must determine what’s causing the depression and act to overcome the weakness to feel depressed.  It’s not necessarily the marriage.  Most of us have been depressed sometime during our lifetime brought on by various concerns. 

If not, you’ve probably known someone who’s suffered from depression.  It’s not uncommon and you’re not alone.  Each year in the United States, depression affects almost 20 million adults and the numbers are growing.

Knowing you’re not alone in this emotional crisis you should seek help, whether by a professional or self help.  Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help.  As long as you suffer from depression, you’re not only hurting yourself but also those around you.

If it is the marriage that’s causing your depression, you must rise above it or possibly suffer the loss of your spouse.  You could feel it’s what the spouse has done that’s has led you to this depressive state. 

If this is so, communicate with your spouse and get the problems in the open.  Discuss your feelings and ask your partner to understand and be supportive.  More than likely, he or she will be supportive if they believe you’re trying to conquer your fears and become a happy, productive person again.

Depression is a mental illness but can also affect the physical part of your relationship and your physical well being as well.  Often, when you’re depressed you fail to rest and eat properly. 

Needed activities go undone as you retreat into your own private world.  When your spouse approaches you with a need for emotional and physical love and they’re rejected, your marriage is on shaky ground.

It’s extremely important that both parties understand that depression is an illness that needs to be treated like any other disease.  Treatment is most effective if the sufferer will agree to seek help whether from the spouse, family member, clergy or a specialist in mental disorders.

Be willing to help yourself.  Physical exercise can help release chemicals within your body that can be useful to mental health.  People with depression usually become sedentary and have no desire for physical exertion.  If physical exercise is not an option, try meditation exercises such as yoga.  Purifying your mind with meditation can often bring clarification of the problems.

Proper diet and nutrition must also be maintained before slipping into a further state of bodily disorder.  If your body is being deprived of the necessary vitamins and minerals it will also affect your mind and emotional feelings.  Try one of these suggestions or all in concert, but make an effort to emerge from your depressive condition.
 

How’s your marriage doing?  Be honest and tell yourself the truth.  Is your spouse spending more time sleeping on the couch than with you?  Are your marriage communication skills suffering and you feel you’d rather talk to a fence post? 

How would you describe a day in the life of your marriage?  Do you yell at each other and argue over a small insignificant issue?  No matter how small the problem, does it blow up into a major confrontation?  Perhaps you’ve tried to work it out yourselves but nothing seems to help and the situation is getting worse. 

It’s okay to ask for help and advice.  Realize you’re not the first couple to suffer from marriage deterioration.  When you were married, maybe not too long ago, everything was fine and all disagreements could be settled at the kitchen table or perhaps in the bedroom. 

Then, slowly it was harder to talk and blame was being hurled from person to person.  No matter what you’re doing the marriage cancer is getting worse and soon you might have to consider the D word.

Before your marriage gets to this point, seek help.  Marriage counseling is available in many forms and it’s up to you to decide which would work best for you and your spouse.
Quality marriage advice can help you to regain respect of your spouse and teach you how to resolve conflicts without verbal and physical abuse. 

It can also assist you in changing you and your spouse’s behavior and help you curtail arguing and reach agreements peacefully.  Marriage advice can even help you to avoid an affair.

Most couples start with friends and family.  More than likely, even though they mean well, their advice is worth about what it cost.  Your pastor can offer special insight into your marriage and assist you with spiritual fulfillment.  He might suggest a retreat where both of you could get away from the humdrum of everyday life in a quiet place to search your inner self.

Marriage support classes are offered in most towns along with a marriage advice club and group therapy.  If you hesitate to air your dirty laundry in front of others, telephone counseling is available. 

You and your spouse could watch video and audio tapes prepared to aid marriages in trouble.  Some couples simply write the newspaper or magazine love advice columns for assistance. 

One of the best and easiest ways to find help is on line.  There you’ll find multiple paths to saving your marriage in all forms.  Be specific on which area your problem lies and you’ll find innumerable solutions from quality eBooks and articles.  These eBooks cover most any problem you might be having and can be had for a reasonable cost and shared with each other in the privacy of your own home.

Online help has become one of the most preferred methods of obtaining marriage advice.
Be sure and check out credentials and ask about their success rate in resolving marriage problems and saving the marriage.  You’ll find both basic and advanced help offered.

Even if your spouse is not interested in seeking help and advice you can begin alone.
Consider getting marriage advice today.  It’s better to lose a little time than to lose your marriage.

To achieve anything worthwhile takes work.  Why should marriage be any different?
Years of your life are spent in school preparing to obtain the job you want or the career you want to pursue.  If you wanted to excel in sports, art or singing, you were willing to work at it and spend endless hours practicing.  It wasn’t work - it was a joy.

Whatever your dream, nothing would stop you from tirelessly working to achieve your goal even if it meant foregoing certain pleasures and taking extra classes.  You studied and read every book you could find to help you get better and eventually become the person you wanted to be.

Marriage should be approached with as much zeal.  Unfortunately, most people who try their hand at marriage think it’s a learn as you go project.  They “wing it” on a day-to-day basis and fail to see the mistakes made along the way until it ends in separation or divorce.  It’s no secret that more than half of all marriages end in divorce and many others are miserably unhappy.

Marriage is not taken seriously anymore or at least not for long.  As soon as the passion and dedication of the wedding vows fade into the bliss of the honeymoon, couples say well if it doesn’t work out it’s no big deal to go our separate ways. 

If children are involved this is certainly not so, but divorce can also have more far reaching effects on others as well.  This includes not only your immediate family but friends as well on both sides of the marriage.

With marriage comes responsibility.  Couples would do well to repeat their wedding vows occasionally, especially the part that says for better or worse.  So often when a marriage gets tough with a loss of job, poor health or unexpected expenses, the stress begins to build and you look for a way out.  Marriage has become too much about what you can do for me, rather than what we can do for each other.

Divorces are too easy to come by.  More work should have gone into the engagement period which most times are all too brief.  The longer the engagement the more you can learn about your partner.  

If there are little things (or big things) that annoy you it’s better to discover them before the vows are said.  Going into marriage thinking you can change someone most of the time is a fairy tale.

Just like you prepare for a career, you should prepare for marriage.  Premarital counseling could be extremely beneficial.  It not only brings couples closer but enables them to discover what the other person is seeking or expects in a relationship.  In a counseling situation most feel more comfortable sharing their feelings with a professional present. 

Enter into the sanctity of marriage knowing that it’s a lifetime commitment.  Together you can accomplish so much more than alone.  It will take work and self sacrifice.  The marriage highway is filled with bumps and potholes but it’s a trip worth taking and may be the best journey of your life.